The saleswoman smiled seductively at me and cooed in her thick Russian accent, “You like the Halloween? Next week. All of aisle five,” then she turned back to the mesh bags of bruised avocados she was throwing onto a shelf.

So except for the box of Zen Puppy Dog Treats with the creepy silhouette of the Riverdancing dog on the box, (note to self: this year’s costume?) my trip today to the 99 Cents Store on nearby Sunset Junction was a Halloween bust, save for a selection of back-to-school Batman Returns items, which don’t really count. Hey, it’s early September.

In lieu of veiny eyeball candles and frighteningly cheap candy, I thought about a different type of emporium that, although not in Los Angeles, deserves mention because it’s the Williams-Sonoma of Halloween objets d’art and there’s still time to order things like brain-shaped Jell-O molds and the Commie Mustache & Beard Set to prepare for the huge party you’ll be throwing in mere weeks.

Archie McPhee is a Seattle-based retailer that sells an assortment of, to put it lightly, offbeat toys and novelties. Why not scare the little trick-or-treaters while seriously disturbing their adult companions by handing out Sigmund Freud lollipops and Bacon Air Fresheners?

They’ve got an entire category called “Evil” where my favorite item is the Cornered Rat; “disturbingly realistic,” cautions the description while pointing out its “squeezable charm.” And in “Zombies & Monsters” they have a full-size latex zombie corpse, with the suggestion that it would work beautifully as “a bedroom mascot for the youngsters.”

The 99 Cents Stores are at the other end of the spectrum but they are not without their unique and very cheap treasures. I’ll be doing a regular rundown of what’s on offer as the end of October approaches. I imagine stock varies from store to store so feel free to alert us to items you’re finding at your location. And start saving up for that zombie corpse.